Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
where are my pants?
in the oven.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
