It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
