can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
