Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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