i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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