i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
