Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
