Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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