Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
