Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
