the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the liver wants what the liver wants
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
