he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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