Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
