dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My life is pants optional.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
