I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize