Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
