I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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