don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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