So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
