holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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