Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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