Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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