next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
