It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
