its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
