Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
