i was born a porn star she said
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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