Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
