I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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