I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize