His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
