so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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