it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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