I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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