I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
