Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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