I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
