I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
