drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
