it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
