You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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