i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize