oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
