I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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