Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
