I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
