where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think my fart just growled at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
