1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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