**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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