I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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