My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
