This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
