Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
