you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
