I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
