Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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