I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
