there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
