omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ugly people sure do ruin things
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
