its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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