The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
