I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
