I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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