His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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