Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
