dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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