I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
