I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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