Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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