you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
