Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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