Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
