ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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