she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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