i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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