WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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